Pantoum: Quality of Life

Home is where the heart is,
but what if you can't find your heart?
Mother should be discharged soon, but
you spend days searching for black coffee.

But what if you can't find your heart
at the bottom of the bitter grinds
of the black coffee you spend days searching for
instead of waiting by her bed?

Toward the bottom of the bitter grinds
you remember you left your purse
by her bed -- instead of waiting --
where Samuel and his children have stayed.

You remember: you left. Your purse
sits idly by the ammonia-drenched wall
where Samuel and his children have stayed
and helped the nurse move Mother.

Sitting idly by the ammonia-drenched wall,
you fold your fingers around dissipating warmth,
and the nurse helping move Mother
literally asks you if you want to help.

You fold your fingers around dissipated warmth
the checkered styrofoam cannot give you.
Internally, you ask if you want to help
the ninety-year-old shell learn to come home.